When You're the One Who Made It

When you're the one who made it. Trevor Noah calls it the Black tax. But it's not about race.

Your success doesn't just belong to you. It belongs to your family and everyone who sacrificed something. And somehow to people who had nothing to do with your journey at all.

"Send me money." "Help me with this." "Help my child with that."

For me, the hardest part hasn't been the desire to help. It's figuring out how to help without setting expectations I can't sustain.

Because the moment you help once, some people assume that's now your job. "You covered my rent last month why not this month?"

I've had to learn how to set boundaries without cutting people off. When someone asks for a loan, I don't lend. I give what I can afford to gift them without being paid back and I'm clear: "This is a one time thing." That way, there's no lingering expectations on either side.

I still believe this is a good problem to have. I'd rather worry about who I can help than worry about who's going to help me.

If you've ever felt this, you're not alone. But it's important to set boundaries. Because as they say: you can't pour from an empty cup.